The #1 Gift Registries Should Include for Expectant Mothers: A Doula
What the heck is a DOULA? If you are anything like I was, you unwittingly suspect that one must smell a bit like patchouli oil and shop exclusively at whole food grocery stores to need/want/seek a birth Doula. WRONG.
You guys, this is seriously one of the biggest pre-delivery myths I hope to debunk for you all. You know why? Cuz my Doula, yep the one that willingly accepted me even though the most granola thing I’ve ever done is eat a Kashi bar, is the single best financial and emotional investment we made in our pre-parenthood days. THE.SINGLE.BEST.
A Doula is not a midwife. I love me some midwives. I have nothing against them. They are a collective of powerful and amazing support to women. It is just that once upon a time, I just they were the same thing. Not accurate. A midwife is essentially about the birth of the baby and postpartum. A doula is emotional, physical, spiritual and informational support and their role is to help a woman stay present and feel safe, holding space for her and being a familiar face during an experience that can be so shapeshifting.
Um, yes please. An emotional personal trainer for the most deeply intense and emotive week of my life. WHERE DO I SIGN?
Thank God a dear friend recommended I look into one. Sadly, it wasn’t until my third trimester that I started exploring the option. Hear me now. Start your Doula interviews early. Now think even earlier. Pretend my hand is in the air indicating a level of importance. Life partner = highest priority decision. (Can you see my hand above my shoulder?) Ok, now picture my same hand only a half inch lower than that measurement. This is where I want you to place your Doula partner decision making priority. I’m a sarcastic person but I am actually not kidding with this one. I often reflect on how much more expectation setting and grounding work we could have done together, had I found her earlier. But, I’ll lean on one of my favorite phrases these days, “Now I know.”
All things happen for a reason and so it was with us. She didn’t actually have space in her client roster to take me on, and yet one fateful day – post Brazilian blowout (which coincidentally is exactly when I knew she was the Doula for me) she took my call and took me on. The rest is history. She is more-than-just-receives-our-Christmas-card friend turned family now.
Doula work has been widely practiced for centuries. A Doula, or a birth- companion, is a non-medical person who assists a family before, during, and/or after childbirth. They provide pregnancy support, counsel, physical assistance and emotional support.
I did not think twice to hire and pay a wedding coordinator, which was essential in ensuring that our very special big day went well. In the same way that a wedding day is filled with much anticipation and expectation so too is a labor and delivery. Tranquility is always a good investment.
A Doula is not only a birthing companion, they are also a continuous sounding board and counselor through the final weeks of pregnancy. Another important thing to remember is that during delivery nurses/staff must come and go to tend to administrative duties. Doulas stay by your side, continuously. Doesn’t that sound lovely? It is.
Also, if you plan to deliver in a hospital, know this: they are exhausting y’all. A hospital setting was the right choice for my family and I and I would go back and make the same one. But, seriously, I just saw a hilarious comedy skit on the turnstile that is a postpartum recovery room. Every attendant, photographer, lactation consultant, plumber and any beating heart within a 5-mile radius will be dropping by your room ON THE REGULAR. Translation: EXHAUSTING. You have company every moment, and they don’t even come bearing lasagna or laundry folding hands. They are just doing their job and following protocol. It is not their fault. But their box checking means you ain’t sleeping. Rest is hard to come by at a time that you need it more than anything.
Our Doula was a priceless diplomat, navigating the waters with medical staff and extended family and friend visitors, always keeping my needs and best interest in the forefront. Read: She kicked people the heck out before I lost my mind.
I was a million shards of a former self on the floor in the days following my daughter’s birth. Out of body, broken, sad and confused. Friends, I cannot underscore the glue this woman was to me in the most fragile hours of my life. In the weeks that followed, in her slow and precise way, she worked with my husband and mother to start putting me back together.
Speaking of other support folks, a common concern is that a Doulas involvement will dismiss or diminish the father’s role in the process. On the contrary, ours was there to coach me through the discomfort and offer multiple suggestions, which allowed my husband to be there physically and emotionally for support. It freed him from having to know all the answers or remember every technique. It also enabled him to take short breaks to rest, without leaving me alone which benefitted everyone.
If I haven’t convinced you yet, (for shame) let me drop a few additional benefits of a Doula on ya.
Additional (amazing) Doula services include:
- Support and assistance in your home, birth center or hospital
- Suggestions that might encourage the progress of your labor
- Assistance with pain coping techniques
- Providing evidence-based information that can assist you in making informed decisions
- Keeping a journal of the details of your birth (p.s. this and the photos from our birth story included in this post are invaluable to me.)
- Photograph your labor and birth experience
- Stay with you after your birth to assist with cleanup, make sure you are fed, help with breastfeeding, and take some family photos
- Follow-up postpartum visit to discuss your birth experience, answer questions, and present you with your “Birth Story” and photos
Put down whatever birthing prep book you are reading, do not collect $200, do not pass go and then run don’t walk to research certified Doula options. It will be the support your family desires to create more serenity around your birth story. If you live in the Phoenix area and would like to check into the availability of our amazing Doula and friend, visit: www.sunshinedoulaservices.com.
You will never regret it.
